It's my decision!

Alright so yesterday was supposed to be the day we took Livvy in for her MRI. On Monday we went in to see the Dr. and he said she no longer needed casts YAY!!! But he kept pushing the issue of her needing to have an MRI, "I don't think there is anything wrong but I just want to check". That just didn't sit well with me. When we returned home from Anchorage the PICU nurse had called and wanted me to return her call to talk about the MRI the next day. When I called her back we were talking and she asked it Livvy had any medical problems, I explained that she has reflux and tracheomalacia her response "Oh thats good to know, thanks for letting me know that" I know that anytime you are put under you run the risk of stopping breathing so I asked "does this mean she is at a higher risk for stopping breathing" her response"...yes" I started crying, I had been fighting back tears since I first started talking to her, I was so scared to begin with and now this!? She continued on with the risks and what they would do if anything did happen to her. She reminded me that Providence is the best childrens hospital in Alaska and she would be worked on by the best Dr.s in Alaska. Then she asked why she was having an MRI, I am sure in her mind it was something very important but when I told her "because her feet are turning in, the Dr. has said he doesn't think there is anything wrong but he just wants to check" she got quiet, I am sure she was thinking the same thing I was, why put a 5 month old through this when you have no reason to really suspect anything is even wrong? She went on about how the procedure would work and I continued to cry. I asked if they had to do the sedation, if they could just let her sleep through it, she said no it was too noisy and she wouldn't sleep. Then she said something that caught my attention, something I had never thought about..."You are the mom Stephanie, you have everyright to say I don't want to do this." I thought , I am her mom! I should have some say in what happens to my daughter! She told me that even if they are just about to put her IV in I can say no and leave, no questions asked! Once we hung up I talked it over with Kevin, he said I needed to call the Dr. and let him know my concerns. Of course he said we needed to have this done and she would be fine and there is a 1 in 400,000 chance that something could happen. 1 in 400,000 chance is too much in my book! I told them I would call them after the procedure and let them know how it went. The day continued on like normal, we went to dinner and I kept telling Kevin, I don't feel right about this, I don't want to do this. He kept telling me, she will be fine, quit worrying...I couldn't quit! So that evening I was getting Olivia ready for bed and I kept telling her how tomorrow we were going to go into Anchorage and she was going to have an owie in her arm and then she would fall asleep but when she woke up we would be right there (yes I know 5 month olds don't understand but it made me feel better) and I started thinking what if, what if something happend, what if the Dr. was right there really wasn't anything there. I started crying again uncontrolably and was hugging Olivia so tight. Kevin came in and told me she would be fine and I finally said it..."I am not going to do it! I am not taking her in tomorrow" he said "FINE! Then call the hospital and let them know you aren't going to do it!" We talked for quite a while and I told him my worries, why put her and myself through this when there is not really any reason to think there is anything wrong? He started to see where I was coming from and agreed that as parents it is ultimately our decision. That was that, she wouldn't have an MRI. I called Connie to let her know and she told me they didn't agree with the MRI either but didn't want to say anything because again, we are her parents. I called the hospital first thing in the morning, I begged Kevin to call the Dr. and tell them, I was afraid they would be upset with our decision and would make me feel like I am a bad mother. He wouldn't call, he told me to be a big girl and do it, in the nicest way possible. I called and of course they were dissapointed but understood it was my decision. I felt like 30 lbs had been lifted off my shoulders. Kevin and I talked about this Dr. I noticed that the first time we took her in he immediately said MRI and as we were leaving there was another little girl being scheduled for an MRI as well, something didn't seem right! We are under the impression that for every patient he sends over he gets a kick back of some sort. I decided to call another Orthopaedist here in Palmer to see if they do second opinions. When the receptionist asked what was going on I explained to her the whole ordeal and she was shocked! They never send people in for MRIs unless there is a definite reason to do so, not "just to see" and they almost never send babies in because it is so hard on them! I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. How had we been so stupid to have not seen what this guy was doing to us? After I got off the phone with them the original Dr. called they wanted to know the name of the nurse I talked to because she "shouldn't be scaring parents into not doing procedures". That was it! I was furious! The sweet nurse I talked to didn't "scare" me in any way, she was doing her job! She told me the risks involved in putting a baby under or anyone under for that matter! We have made the decision to switch Dr's to the one out here in Palmer. Hopefully they can set everything straight with Livvy. I hope you all can see where we are coming from in this matter. Being a Mom is so hard and having to make decisions like this is even harder!